Ed. note: This article is part of Parental Leave & The Legal Profession, a special series for Above the Law that explores the realities of parental leave and return-to-work in law firms. From planning leave to reintegration, from the role of managers to the mental load of Biglaw parents, these articles bring research, clinical insight, and practical strategies to help lawyers and the firms that employ them navigate one of the most critical transitions of their careers.
The Quiet Shock of Coming Back
When Dana, a senior associate, returned from parental leave, she expected a few chaotic days. What she didn’t expect was the lingering disorientation: guilt for leaving her baby, guilt for not being fully present at work, and a fear that she no longer fit neatly into either world.
She also felt the pressure of returning to a culture that sent a clear message: Say yes to everything, that’s how you survive here. Working parents know that life without boundaries isn’t viable, yet law firms still reward constant availability. That tension fuels enormous anxiety during the return.
Even in firms that offer lengthy leaves, there is often little guidance on what the return looks like: how re-onboarding works, how to talk to partners about workload, where flexibility exists, or what a healthy ramp-up might entail. The leave may be supported, but the return is often invisible.
Layered on top of the transition to parenthood is a shift that gets less attention: the transition from working person to working parent. That identity change is profound, and rarely named. As one partner shared after her third leave: “You don’t come back as the same person. But you might come back clearer, stronger, and more sustainable if you stop fighting the fact that things have changed.”
Why It Feels So Hard
The challenge of returning is multidimensional – logistical, emotional, physiological, and systemic.
- You’re navigating two major roles at once. Holding the demands of your career and early parenthood simultaneously is complex.
- Your brain is still adjusting. Research shows there are ongoing neuroplastic changes over the first postpartum year, and those cognitive shifts create unfamiliar feelings as you settle back into work.
- The workplace hasn’t evolved fast enough. Many firms operate on an unrealistic “ideal worker” model who is always available, despite the realities of caregiving.
The tension that arises does not reflect a lack of commitment or capability but the systems and culture you’re returning to.
Step One: Rebuild Confidence Gradually
Some lawyers experience a dip in confidence when they return, not because their skills eroded, but because they’re holding two enormous responsibilities at once.
Rather than overextending yourself to “make up” for being gone, start with intention. Choose one or two matters where you can quickly add value and rebuild momentum. Schedule early check-ins with key partners or clients, not to justify yourself, but to reestablish clarity and connection.
Confidence grows from competence, not perfection. And the capacity to nurture and lead are not opposites; they often strengthen each other.
Step Two: Redefine What “Full Capacity” Means
One of the most damaging myths is that you should “bounce back” to your old pace immediately. Your normal has changed for now. But this is a season, not your permanent reality.
A gradual ramp-up with lower billables for a few weeks, more remote days, or easing into major matters can create a sustainable foundation. Research from the Center for WorkLife Law shows that phased reintegration improves both retention and performance for new parents.
If your firm doesn’t offer a phased ramp-up option, propose one as a strategy for delivering consistent, high-quality work during this transitional period.
At home, give yourself the same grace: ask for a lot of help. Delegate, outsource when possible, and allow some tasks to be “good enough.” Sustainability over martyrdom is the goal.
Step Three: Protect Your Mental Health
The return period is a vulnerable time. Sleep deprivation, identity shifts, and cognitive overload can mimic early burnout. Professional women in high-pressure fields are at increased risk for postpartum anxiety and depression during the first year (Rihm, et. al., 2025).
If you notice persistent irritability, overwhelm, or guilt, reach out early, whether to a therapist, coach, doctor, or trusted peer. Ensuring you have these resources is not a weakness; it’s foundational to effective leadership.
Advocate for support at work too. Join a working-parent ERG if your firm has one. Use coaching or parental-leave resources. And if these supports don’t exist, your request may be the catalyst for building them.
Step Four: Create a Home System That Works for You
A sustainable return requires a sustainable home ecosystem. Discuss logistics with your partner or support system before you go back: who handles daycare drop-offs, sick days, bedtime routines, or last-minute emergencies? Unspoken assumptions create resentment; clear agreements create stability.
Research shows that women still perform most of the “cognitive labor” at home even in dual-career households (Daminger, 2019). This invisible work of anticipating, planning, and coordinating is one of the biggest contributors to overwhelm during the return-to-work transition.
We’ll be devoting a full article to the mental load in February: how it impacts lawyers specifically, why it’s often ignored inside firms, and what can actually help to address it.
For now, know that redistributing invisible labor can dramatically reduce stress and increase capacity. Community matters here too: neighbors, friends, and other working parents at the firm can create a support network that buffers the unpredictability of early parenthood.
Step Five: Let Yourself Reassess
Returning from leave is not the time for sweeping career decisions, but it is a time to pay attention. You may gain clarity about your priorities, leadership style, or long-term goals. You may discover that certain roles energize you more than before, or that changes are needed.
You don’t have to decide everything now. But staying curious about what this transition is teaching you can be grounding.
The Bigger Picture
Some firms have made meaningful progress. Many have not. Individuals cannot fix systemic problems alone, but choices you make matter in realms such as setting boundaries, ramping up, and caring for yourself.
In the next article, we’ll shift to the organizational lens: the business case for supporting working parents, and why the firms that do this well win.
Marny Requa, JD is an academic, coach, and consultant with global experience and gender equity expertise. Dr. Anne Welsh is a clinical psychologist, executive coach, and consultant with a specialization in supporting working parents in law. Both are certified RETAIN Parental Leave Coaches, engaging a research-backed methodology to support and retain employees as they grow their families.
The post Returning To The Firm After Parental Leave: Why It Feels So Hard — And How To Do It Well appeared first on Above the Law.