Mike Lee is a United States Senator, a former Supreme Court clerk, and a deeply unserious clown. Lee’s new “Patriots of the Caribbean” initiative — which sounds like a militia group that got lost on January 6 searching for its lost shaker of salt — seeks to help the Trump administration with its recent campaign to blow up random boats (and commit war crimes in the process) by sending in a secret weapon.
PIRATES!
If you’re wondering whether this is a bit, it is not. If you’re wondering whether Lee understands how drug trafficking works, international law works, or reality works, the answer is also no.
Lee’s legislative brainfart — in which he’s joined by House sponsor Rep. Tim Burchett — is the Cartel Marque and Reprisal Reauthorization Act, dusting off the “Letters of Marque and Reprisal” power listed in Article I. n the 18th century, this meant authorizing private ships to harass enemy vessels during wartime. In 2025, it means handing a 4Chan message board of armed rednecks a treasure map where X marks a suspected drug lord.
Why directly implicate the U.S. military in international law violations when you can outsource them to unaccountable dipshits with GoPros?
Now, you might think that it’s unfair to characterize Lee’s policy as piracy. So here’s Lee explaining, “No, no, I really just mean pirates.”
“Privateers is what they’re called,” he said. “Letters of marque and reprisal are authorized under Article 1, Section 8, Clause 10 of the Constitution.”
Lee said it’s the same clause that gives Congress the power to declare war, but it also allows the legislative branch to issue letters of marque, “authorizing privateers, pirates essentially … to carry out acts of piracy.”
As former deputy secretary of state Brian P. McKeon pointed out, “Aside from the fact that piracy is universally recognized worldwide as illegal (see also title 18 of the US Code), what a great idea Mike!” The Paris Declaration of 1856 formally banned privateering, and while the United States never formally ratified the agreement, it has committed to abide by its principles as a matter of accepted international law.
Undeterred by law or common sense, the Senator hopes with this bill to enlist some scalawags to assist Trump’s anti-drug efforts. Does the Trump administration actually care about fighting drug trafficking? Of course not. It’s not even been a whole month since Trump pardoned one of the most prolific drug traffickers in the federal prison system. The sponsors of the bill also don’t seem to understand how drug trafficking works, citing fentanyl for this policy even though Venezuela isn’t a source of fentanyl, but rather a cocaine supplier for Europe.
But Mike Lee sees an opportunity to save the sagging economy by juicing the exotic parrot market.
If we’re serious about looking for drugs, have we considered searching whatever office Mike Lee and his staff were in when they brainstormed sending Jack Sparrow to battle 21st century drug cartels? This isn’t the first time Lee’s talked about bringing back piracy. Some legislators champion universal health care or securing voting rights, by contrast every few years, like cicadas or rebooting the DC Universe, Lee proposes MOAR PIRATES to the delight of the likes of Elon Musk and Donald Trump Jr. — two people who are also definitely not psychologically stunted adolescents crafting policy on drug-fueled benders.
The text of the bill doesn’t limit these letters of marque to the seas, and Lee’s office explicitly envisions this policy deputizing private actors to extrajudicially attack drug cartels “on land or sea.” It should shock you not at all that Lee’s piracy kick has long enjoyed the support of Erik Prince, the founder of the infamous private military contractor Blackwater, channeling his inner Blackbeard. Private military contractors have been implicated in torture while working directly under federal government supervision. Lee’s proposal would untether these groups to do whatever they want and collect a reward whenever these blind squirrels gather a drug-laced nut. The government can shrug off human rights abuses that might arise along the way as none of its business because dead men tell no tales or testify in court.
Which, of course, is why the world banned privateers in the first place. No one harbored any illusions that the practice amounted to anything but governments pawning off accountability by making deals with violent mercenaries.
Frighteningly, Lee is sometimes floated as a possible Supreme Court nominee despite his constitutional insights amounting to turning over America’s drug policy to Long Dong Sliver. No… wait… Long John Silver. I always get that one confused with that other prominent figure in Supreme Court history.
Joe Patrice is a senior editor at Above the Law and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer. Feel free to email any tips, questions, or comments. Follow him on Twitter or Bluesky if you’re interested in law, politics, and a healthy dose of college sports news. Joe also serves as a Managing Director at RPN Executive Search.
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